The desert

...I was sinking at first... I would try to grasp out for my friends, family or any relationship I had with someone,to prove to myself that i had my life under control, I would beg for reassurances where there were none ... I had washed upon a shore... Trying to pick up the pieces of…

A letter to my Parents

I was asked to write a letter to my parents, so that I could express my emotions fully to them. My therapist and I had scheduled a session so that I could ask them how they felt when I was arrested, put in Jail for 10 days, and dealing with my DUI in general. I…

Booking and my first night in Jail

I got up early, I was supposed to report at noon to the jail to surrender myself. I drank the last beer in the fridge, because I knew it would be my last until after 2 years of probation were completed. I take a colonopin to settle my nerves, I’m on the verge of tears…

The Sentencing

"I understood myself, only after i destroyed myself, and only in the process of fixing myself, did I know who I really was" -Sade Andria Zavala It was a 9 am appointment time for my sentencing hearing. I was wearing business attire, a white shirt and blazer, and low wedge heels. I wore my hair…

An Avalanche of Anxiety

My first debilitating panic attack I encountered was when I was in college. I had a friend who was pregnant but somehow kept it a secret from our close circle of friends, she was in serious denial about her situation and didn’t tell me until she was 7 months in, and was having some issues.…

Mandatory Guilt

I received a call from the attorney the next day, it was brief, very direct, and expensive. I told them the information that they asked for, and received a dialogue of what my next steps were, what to expect in the process and what I should start doing right away. I liked hearing that there…