World mental Health Day

I know this is one day late, but here goes I'm not a sad person, but I do feel great sadness sometimes. Deep and Dark sadness that sometimes feels as endless as the ocean I am a happy and bright person- most days. A person whose light can bring laughter to a room, and help…

The Cost of a DUI

In exactly two weeks I will be enjoying my first joint, in two years.... while I ponder that moment, let me do some reflecting on the cost of a DUI- financially and personally. I will be free of the "system", the system that prides it's self on justice. I committed a crime, yes, a terrible…

Hello Empath

I’m an overthinker An over lover I feel things deeply  I don't feel anything small I use my heart as a base to understanding I use my head to sort through emotions I don't see in black and white I see in every color of the rainbow There is not just right and wrong There…

Love songs

Do you ever hear a love song About two souls meeting? It's beautiful and sad at the same time, Two souls colliding, one lost without the other Do you ever think of yourself as both souls? Having come together with the part of you, that makes you happy The beauty of being with that soul…

Intimacy

I haven't had sex in two years. I decided after getting my DUI and breaking up with my rebound-boyfriend, that I was going to take the next two years and dedicate them to myself. I was placed on probation for two years, so two years of sobriety and abstinence sounded like a good duo. Now…

The desert

...I was sinking at first... I would try to grasp out for my friends, family or any relationship I had with someone,to prove to myself that i had my life under control, I would beg for reassurances where there were none ... I had washed upon a shore... Trying to pick up the pieces of…

A letter to my Parents

I was asked to write a letter to my parents, so that I could express my emotions fully to them. My therapist and I had scheduled a session so that I could ask them how they felt when I was arrested, put in Jail for 10 days, and dealing with my DUI in general. I…

The Sentencing

"I understood myself, only after i destroyed myself, and only in the process of fixing myself, did I know who I really was" -Sade Andria Zavala It was a 9 am appointment time for my sentencing hearing. I was wearing business attire, a white shirt and blazer, and low wedge heels. I wore my hair…

An Avalanche of Anxiety

My first debilitating panic attack I encountered was when I was in college. I had a friend who was pregnant but somehow kept it a secret from our close circle of friends, she was in serious denial about her situation and didn’t tell me until she was 7 months in, and was having some issues.…

Mandatory Guilt

I received a call from the attorney the next day, it was brief, very direct, and expensive. I told them the information that they asked for, and received a dialogue of what my next steps were, what to expect in the process and what I should start doing right away. I liked hearing that there…