The desert

…I was sinking at first…

I would try to grasp out for my friends, family or any relationship I had with someone,to prove to myself that i had my life under control, I would beg for reassurances where there were none

… I had washed upon a shore…

Trying to pick up the pieces of my life, but as i grasped for the life I once knew, it fell through my hands like sand, leaving behind only trace particles

… I needed the beach…

I needed the heavy sand, the kind you can shape into a castle on the beach as a kid and play pretend it was real. I needed to shape my life back together, in to something real, but every time I tried to build it up, the wind took it from me and the shape would disappear from my hands

…I needed the sun…

I needed to be comforted, I needed to release the stress of it all and to feel better even for just a day. I craved the light on my skin, and how warm unconditional love feels. But I had no love for myself, I created no room for comfort, i brought the clouds over my head and turned them dark

…it felt like a storm…

Someone that would pass, maybe after a few days. But this wasn’t a storm. It was the dark abyss of depression and it wasn’t just going to pass over like a summer storm. I was darkness lingering over my head, a grey cloud, crackling with lightning, growing darker and darker each day. I’m all alone, unable to grasp a breath, unable to find steady ground, and unable to clear the storm from above my head

….It wasn’t the beach, it was a desert…

The water had evaporate around me, and the living objects had died, my soul seemed to have left me too and I was lost wandering for any resemblance of the life I knew, searching through piles of dust and sand for all I had lost.

It was then that I realized, I had to start a new journey, to get back what I lost. To clear the air above me and expose the sun, to create a new soul where the old one died. To allow myself to love and be loved, and to create a home in the place where I had washed upon shore.

Sometimes we make mistakes and fall into a bad lace, but that doesn’t mean we are stuck there, it means we have an opportunity to try again, and do better.

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