ADHD, DUI, Depression, emotions, Guilt, recovery, Selfcare, Therapy, Vulnerability

It’s not for you

After a few months of being sober, all these thoughts filled my mind of all the times I had let myself try to change for the man I was dating. All the things they said, that I didn’t notice at the time.

The thoughts came back in waterfalls, flooding my mind, I noticed I let parts of myself fade off in order to allow their perceptions and thoughts of me to sculpt me into a different person. It wasn’t until I started working on myself, and doing things for my self benefit, that I noticed how much of my personality and self confidence had been been worn away. So I decided from that point on that I wouldn’t let a man, or anyone’s opinions of me, sculpt who I was. I was working on myself for myself, for the first time in my life.

It’s not for the one, who preferred a girl with hair that was neat and put together. Who said if I lost a few pounds I would feel a lot better. Who thought being with him was a great treasure

It’s not for the one who always knew best who said I’d made a huge mistake when I left And without him I’d be depressed who thought control was the best way to get me undressed.

It’s not for the one who fit me into his schedule when all else fell through Who said I was beautiful and all too but who wouldn’t stand up for me when the time was due

It’s not for the one who forced himself on me in his car after school Who said “Everyone else is doing it, come on its cool” Who pretended like nothing happened and made me feel like a fool

For the first time in my life, everything I am and everything I do is about me

It’s all for me and my wild hair for standing up for myself when no one else was there its all for me, so that I can be who I really am Without your burden to bear

– Vivian Marie

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